Songs of the Gulchverse
by animegus farmus
Summary: In which songs are rewritten due to the whims of conversational fate. NOT songfic, just the songs...corrupted...just a little bit. Eheheheheh.
1. I'll Make a Man Out of You

_Disclaimer: Given the current state of my muse, I have nothing more interesting to say than the basics – don't own Tin Man or a certain Disney song._

_Author's Note: Yeah, I know. My posts are getting increasingly rare and a certain story is taking forever to be updated. I have a nasty feeling that I am in full on writer's block here – usually popping over to a new story or fandom refreshes the muse, but even my usual outs seem blocked. So frustrating, because it's not like muse has shut down or anything – I can hear her sending out nascent chapter starts to deal with my current narrator (who is so going to get his ass kicked one of these days if he doesn't start behaving soon), but even a brain-brain after midnight hasn't been able to get these moving. I've tried all my usual tricks – rereading past chapters, old reviews – and I've even tried some new ones – I am attempting to draw, there are some links on my profile – but so far…_

_Yeah, so anyway, many moons ago when muse wasn't being so difficult, an innocent little PM conversation with Meghan McAlistair somehow resulted in my rewriting a certain song from Mulan (don't get any ideas nightdrive23) for Tin Man. It amused us both and I tucked it away with no intention of ever posting it, and mostly forgot about it. A couple of weeks ago, however, we got in another conversation and she brought up another song that I'd never heard before. It took an alarmingly short time for her to set me off on rewriting that one, too (muse is starving for attention – I think it's the group projects doing it – for some reason I keep ending up editor). Given that she expressed the opinion that y'all might enjoy these song (seconded by Quality Control and my Currently Unnicknamed Friend, whom I've been so evil to have get hooked on Tin Man and the Gulchverse Muwhahahahahaha!), and since I've been so shamefully remiss in my duties, I thought this might act as both apology and some entertainment until I get the muse back online. Sorry if it is not what you were hoping for when the alert popped up, for those of you who have me on alert. I'm trying._

_PS You might have noticed the M rating – that's because this song is raunchy, very much so. Apparently my sense of humour had gutter brain that day (plus I needed things to rhyme) – I didn't change a word in the refrain but given what I did to the rest of the song, it takes on a whole new meaning. Sorry if it offends anyone – but I figure you'll know who the song is about by the second line so perhaps you'll understand my, er, motivation. Eheheheheheh.  
><em>

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><p><strong>...<br>**

**I'll Make a Man Out of You**

Let's get down to business  
>And caress those buns<br>Did they send me eunuchs  
>When I asked for guns?<br>You're the hottest man  
>I ever met<br>But you can bet  
>Before we're through<br>Mister, I'll make a meal  
>out of you<p>

Tranquil as a forest  
>But a fire within<br>Once you find my center  
>you are sure to win<br>You're a sexy man  
>so very hot<br>And you haven't got a clue  
>Somehow I'll make a meal<br>out of you

I'm never gonna catch  
>my breath<br>Gonna brag to those  
>who knew me<br>Where are those blasted handcuffs  
>when you need 'em?<br>This guy's got 'em  
>scared to death<br>Wish that he could see  
>right through me<br>How I really wish that I  
>could marry him<p>

(Be a man)  
>We must be swift as<br>the coursing river  
>(Be a man)<br>With all the force  
>of a great typhoon<br>(Be a man)  
>With all the strength<br>of a raging fire  
>Mysterious as the<br>dark side of the moon

Time is racing toward us  
>till the buns arrive<br>Heed my every order  
>make me feel alive<br>You're unsuited for  
>the cold shower<br>So mount up, come on  
>let's screw<br>Couldn't I make a meal  
>out of you?<p>

(Be a man)  
>We must be swift as<br>the coursing river  
>(Be a man)<br>With all the force  
>of a great typhoon<br>(Be a man)  
>With all the strength<br>of a raging fire  
>Mysterious as the<br>dark side of the moon

(Be a man)  
>We must be swift as<br>the Coursing river  
>(Be a man)<br>With all the force  
>of a great typhoon<br>(Be a man)  
>With all the strength<br>of a raging fire  
>Mysterious as the<br>dark side of the moon


	2. Cain Bells and Gulch Sirens

_Disclaimer: I still have nothing original to say – don't own Tin Man or this song by Nephew._

_Author's Note: Unlike last song – which I can image DG singing whilst intoxicated – this song isn't about the humour, though it does have its moments. I happen to like this rewrite better as it approaches poetry (which I cannot write decently without a template). It just has more merit in my eyes, and I find it fun to sing (the last one I have trouble singing out loud for some reason). The original song is 'Police Bell and Gulch Sirens' by Nephew – a band and song I hadn't even heard of until Megan McAlistair brought it up with obviously nefarious purposes. The credit is hers for 'knights in cars' and 'princesses on farms' – the phrases by which she ensnared me into rewriting this because I like them so much. Some of the original lines remain because they just worked so perfectly. I tried to stay somewhat true to the meaning of the original song – though I admit when they started singing in Danish at the end of the song, I was a kind of on my own (and damn is it hard to sync my lyrics to it, even though the syllables match – I think). I recommend giving it a listen before you see what I ended up doing – it really is a fun song. Currently trying to keep muse away from the other song she mentioned – yeah, it's in German, but I don't see what protection that is – though all things considered, I should probably let her have free range for a bit. *Shrug* Tomorrow brain-brain will be offered the choice between writing and studying topics in radionucleotide imaging, if that's not something that will encourage creative procrastination, I don't know what will. Fingers crossed people._

_PS There are some spacing things done in the middle of the formerly Danish part that are all due to the fanfic site and not what I intended - especially given how it is split - but can I change it? Nope.  
><em>

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><p><strong>...<br>**

**Cain Bells and Gulch Sirens**

Well, I'm a fan of knights in cars and tornados  
>And of princesses on farms, and noble fools<br>And I'm a fan of brainless men, and brave cowards  
>And of villains that are not, and voices heard<p>

Why don't they make it Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<br>Talking about Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<p>

Well I'm a fan when dogs are men, and cops are caught  
>And of little monkeys with wings, and parent robots<br>And I'm a fan of holding hands and letting go  
>And of being so in love, but not let it show<p>

Why don't they make it Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<br>Talking about Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<p>

Gulch sirens, fightin' men with guns and copper cuffs  
>In the buff<br>Gulch despite his looks is quite badass  
>If he's mad best let him pass<p>

He's got brass

In tin Cain thought he lost his heart, he stands aloof

Blue eyes see truth  
>And when Cain rides in Longcoats fall beneath the hoof<br>Bulletproof

Why don't they make it Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<br>Talking about Cain bells and Gulch sirens  
>Cain ding dong, Gulch wee ooh<p> 


	3. Gun

_Disclaimer: If I owned anything I rewrote, it wouldn't be the rewrite now would it?_

_Author's Note: Meghan McAlistair, like many of you, is evil without meaning to be. All she did was mention a song…sigh. I will admit that except for the line of mine that she rewrote and then I modified again, I pretty much did this to myself. Actually, these don't take that long, and are a nice way to shine pretties to distract the muse while I attempt to study for exams. It is what it is (what it used to be is 'Sonne' by Rammstein)._

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><p>...<p>

**Gun**

One, two, three, four, five,

Six, seven, eight, nine, out

.

All are waiting for the fight

Your heart trembles at the sight

Mr. Revolver shines in your eyes

You're not like to survive tonight

.

... And the world counts loud to ten

.

One... here comes the gun

Two... here comes the gun

Three... it´s the fastest revolver of all

Four... here comes the gun

.

The gun appears swiftly in Cain's hands

He will shoot, can't stop the Tin Man

If Cain breaks out with his fists

No bullets, he makes his stand

.

Cain will not go down tonight

And the world counts loud to ten

.

One... here comes the gun

Two... here comes the gun

Three... it´s the fastest revolver of all

Four... here comes the gun

.

Five... here comes the gun

Six... here comes the gun

Seven... it is the fastest revolver of all

Eight... here comes the gun

.

Mr. Revolver shines in Cain's hands

You really want to make this stand?

Only one can face his wrath

If he's mad don't block his path

Heart of tin beats in his chest

He won't let her be laid to rest

.

Make him shoot, you'll hit the floor

And the world counts loud to ten

.

One... here comes the gun

Two... here comes the gun

Three... it's the fastest revolver of all

Four... unless he falls from the window

.

Five... here comes the gun

Six... here comes the gun

Seven... it's is the fastest revolver of all

Eight... here comes the gun


	4. Hotel Redemption

_Disclaimer: I cannot sing, but that doesn't stop me from doing it anyhow; but then, I do not own Tin Man or Hotel California and that doesn't stop me from playing with them either._

_Author's Note: Don't shoot me for song choice please; I know I dare mightily in presuming to touch such a classic. Thing is, Meghan McAlistair had me listen to a song that was hilarious, within the context of our conversation, the first time I heard it, but darned creepy when I watched the music video. And then the damn thing tried to get stuck in my head, I had to do something to drown it out. I chose to listen to Hotel California (I assume you have all heard it, if not, my brother would be appalled) by the Eagles and, well, this happened. Props to Meghan McAlistair, who appears to be my new song beta (Quality Control is getting impossibly picky about what she is willing to qc these days), on the title. And, um, yeah._

_Sigh, I really need to get back to writing stories. One exam down, four and a paper to go…_

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><p><strong>...<br>**

**Hotel Redemption**

By a dark empty cabin  
>Tin dust in his hair<br>Pained cries of his family  
>Rising up through the air<br>Forever before his eyes  
>Never to fade with the light<br>The scene of his failure, a man undone  
>Unable to win that fight<p>

There she stood in the meadow  
>He watched as silence fell<br>And he was thinking to himself  
>"This could be heaven or this could be hell"<br>Then she opened the tin suit  
>And she asked him the way<br>There were voices deep within his heart  
>He thought he heard them say<p>

Welcome back to the pain that is living  
>Such an empty place<br>Don't forget that face  
>Plenty of room in the heart left for his vengeance<br>Any time of year  
>He can find it there<p>

He thinks his heart is all rusted  
>She's got such innocent eyes<br>His manners are gruff and he speaks hard truths  
>That taste like lies<br>Her kindness is his downfall  
>He'll allow no threat<br>Don't want to remember  
>Unable to forget<p>

He intended to leave them  
>Seeking death in the night<br>But danger found her, he can't stay away  
>The reluctant, true knight<br>And still those voices are calling from deep within  
>Wake him up in the middle of the night<br>Just to hear them say

Welcome back to the pain that is living  
>A confusing place<br>And an earnest face  
>He's still enough heart to make words bind as vengeance waits<br>You would never guess  
>That she's a princess<p>

Portraits on the ceiling  
>A palace trapped in ice<br>Mirrors viewing forgotten death, finding  
>Knowledge has its price<br>For in the lost queen's chambers  
>The villains have arrived<br>They try to run, he tries to fight  
>And painful hope's revived<p>

Last thing he remembers, she was  
>Running for the door<br>He had to find the brick road back  
>To the place she was before<br>"Come on," said the Tin Man  
>This everyone best believe<br>Try and stop him anyway you like  
>Her he will never leave.<p> 


	5. Cop in the Water

_Disclaimer: The shark ate the ownership; there was nothing I could do._

_Author's Note: This was not the way this one was supposed to go, but apparently I don't even control my characters when they are singing. VV Brown's 'Shark in the Water', which I think is a fun song to listen to – Azkadellia was supposed to be the shark, but, well…_

_PS Ignore the do do do's, they came with the lyrics._

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><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Cop in the Water<strong>

(Oh oh)  
>I've been under a witch's possession<br>Feeling so lost, scaring you off  
>Those lords don't know me well<br>Stuck on that bad impression  
>That kind of cruel, that apprehension<p>

But now there's a doubt, I open my mouth  
>And words come out, words come out like<p>

O.Z., there's a cop in the water  
>There's thoughtless kindness in his head<br>Oh, please believe I said  
>O.Z., there's a cop in the water<br>I trapped the suns behind the moon  
>Eclipse is soon<p>

High in the sky, the darkness I'm bringing  
>But nightmare's they lie, so quiet I cry<br>Lullabies float by, the song that he's singing  
>Keep witches and caves from bothering me<p>

I wouldn't cause you any harm, I just want you in my arms  
>I can't help, I can't help myself<p>

O.Z., there's a cop in the water  
>There's thoughtless kindness in his head<br>Oh, please believe I said  
>O.Z., there's a cop in the water<br>I trapped the suns behind the moon  
>Eclipse is soon<p>

(Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do ,do)

(Eclipse is soon)

(Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do x2)

Light is light  
>Rules are rules<br>He can act the drunken fool  
>He's just sizing you up, oh<br>Gulch be nimble, Gulch be quick  
>Please don't make him throw a fit<br>Here comes the menace, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

O.Z., there's a cop in the water  
>There's thoughtless kindness in his head<br>Oh, please believe I said  
>O.Z., there's a cop in the water<br>I trapped the suns behind the moon  
>You better get here soon<br>O.Z, there's a cop in the water  
>O.Z., there's a cop in the water<br>O.Z., there's a cop in the water  
>I trapped the suns behind the moon<br>Eclipse is soon


	6. I Am A Man Of Glitchin' Sorrow

_Disclaimer: I've got the I do not own Tin Man blues…ditto this song._

_Author's Note: This is the result of complete serendipity – I had been musing about maybe doing another song rewrite, while using YouTube as a radio…and low and behold 'Man of Constant Sorrows' popped up in the choices and muse did as muse does. I've been sitting on this one for a while as I was waiting for my song beta to prove she was still among the living and give an opinion (Quality Control refuses, and alas she's the only QC I actually have the phone number for – something my other betas are probably happy about. Sigh). She's still among the living, hurrah! The original song can be found with by watching 'O Brother Where Art Thou' or by looking for it on YouTube under the Soggy Bottom Boys.  
><em>

_PS To my song beta: your PMs have been disabled, if this is on purpose, cool; if not, your e-mail probably bounced a message back and you are going to have go into settings to enable them again (am assuming this is the case, but if not and I have somehow offended, I beg humble pardons). Didn't want to PM my AN, but I had no other way to communicate, sorry all._

* * *

><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I Am A Man Of Glitchin' Sorrow<strong>

I am a man of glitchin' sorrow  
>Only munchkins fill my gaze<br>I bid farewell to my ol' marbles  
>Trapped in the place where darkness reigned.<p>

The place where darkness sought to reign.

For six long days I've been in trouble,  
>my feet are nowhere near the ground<br>For in this Realm, I'm bound to ramble,  
>I have no friends to help me down.<p>

He has no friends to help him down

This is a hell of wicker baskets,  
>I never expect to touch ground again.<br>For I'm bound, they tied me to the ceiling  
>I wish to leave and seek my brain<p>

He wants to leave and seek his brain

Say, who are you doll, you look familiar,  
>I think I've seen your eyes before.<br>Do you think you could untie me  
>why are you dropping through the floor?<p>

Why is she dropping through the floor?

Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger  
>A face you never 've seen before<br>But there is one promise that is given,  
>We'll pass that log least three times more<p>

They'll pass that log least three times more


	7. Gulch Will Survive

_Disclaimer: Ownership left me before we'd even met, but I will survive._

_Author's Note: I got an oldie stuck in my head, 'nuff said._

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><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Gulch Will Survive<strong>

At first he was afraid, he was petrified  
>Kept thinkin' he could never live with DG on this side;<br>But then he spent so many years tryin' ta keep her from wrong  
>And he grew strong and they learned how to get along<p>

And now she's back from Outer Zone  
>He just drove in to find her here blown on the wake of a cyclone<br>He should have changed his parking spot  
>He should have hid that damned bike key<br>If he'd've known for just one second he'd be caught by Code DG

Come on now, Gulch, don't hit the floor, just look around now  
>'Cause you're not in Kansas anymore<br>There's two suns in the sky, a strange person walking by  
>Did you think he'd crumble? Did you think he'd lay down and die?<p>

Oh no, not Gulch. Gulch will survive  
>Oh as long as he knows how to duck he hopes he'll stay alive;<br>He's got all his life to live,  
>He's got all his strength to give and he'll survive,<br>He will survive. Hey Hey.

It took all the strength he had not to fall apart  
>There was weirdness all around him right from the very start,<br>And he spent oh so many nights just thinking where the hell am I?  
>He used to sigh, but now won't bother to ask why.<p>

And there he is, somebody new  
>He's not that chained up Honest Cop n' Menace that she knew,<br>And so you felt like droppin' in, thought you'd go on a killin' spree,  
>Now Imp could warn you that perhaps there's this thing you didn't foresee<p>

Go on now, Gulch, walk through the door, just draw your gun now  
>('cause) they're not welcome anymore<br>Might've thought him a joke 'til you looked him in the eye  
>Did you think he'd crumble? Did you think he'd lay down and die?<p>

Oh no, not Gulch. Gulch will survive  
>And, oh, he'd like to mention that he likes his princesses alive;<br>They've got all their lives to live,  
>He's got all his life to give and he'll survive,<br>He will survive. Ooooh.

Go on now, Gulch, you have the floor, just glance around now

So they'll remember evermore  
>He's drawn a line with fire, laid it bare to the sky<br>Do you think he'll crumble  
>Do you think he'll lay down and die?<p>

Oh no, not Gulch. Gulch will survive  
>Oh as long as he's got those he loves you know he'll stay alive;<br>They've got all their lives to live,  
>He's got all his love to give and he'll survive,<br>Gulch will survive. Gulch will survive.


	8. That's a Mobat

_Disclaimer: Do not own Tin Man, 'That's Amore' or the thought SOMEBODY ambushed me with…speaking of:_

_Author's Note: EreshkigalGirl you little #$^*#&$, I've had that song stuck in my head for TWO DAYS now. Urge to cheerfully strangle somebody ri-sing! That being said, I don't know if this is the singer you had in mind, but it is the one who cheerfully skipped forward to answer the call of your request. Which is odd, since I don't do requests (I specifically stated that somewhere), so here is the song formerly known as 'That's Amore'…as requested. Sigh. *sings* 'Nobody knows the trouble I know, nobody knows my sorrow…'_

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><p>...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>That's A Mobat<strong>

In the O.Z. monkeys take wing

When boy meets one

Here's what he'll scream…

...

When the Tin Man needs tricked

So he'll bed a princess, 'see' a mobat

When the pantry's too dark

It's no longer a lark, that's a mobat!

...

Wings will flap flippy-flippy-flap

Flippy-flippy-flap lords will yap, "Watch out fella!"

Hearts will pound pound-and-pound-away

Pound-and-pound-away at mobat in the cellar!

...

When you recall your plan

Quick, close the door with a slam, not a mobat

When they rage at your play

And they lock you away, that's not fair

...

When you were trying to help

But they say, you're not helping oh lordy

Scuzza me, but you see

He thought innocently, that's a mobat

...

When you're thirsty for beer

That like magic appears, that's a mobat

_That's a mobat _

When your drink tastes like brine

And he brings you more wine, that's a mobat

_That's a mobat  
><em>

...

Wings will flap flippy-flippy-flap

Flippy-flippy-flap lords will clap, "Hey there fella!"

Cheer away tra-la-la-la-lay

Tra-la-la-la-hey for a drink with umbrella

Little fella!

...

If you must fight a duel

With a longwinded fool, for a mobat

_For a mobat _

When there's no time for thought

Or a dastardly plot, mace will do

...

When he does nothing but scream

But he's wrong in his screaming oh lordy

Scuzza me, but you see

That's not evil you flee, that's a mobat

_A mobat_

_That's a mobat! _


	9. Papay Go Hunting

_Disclaimer: This truly not my faulty…_

_Author's Note: …it is Quality Control's. Seriously, she decided to punish me for the last song by sending me the first verse of this one. The final result was co-written between us, mostly through the rapid fire texts you can get with sibling communication, as well as a great deal of lyric negotiation. EreshkigalGirl, after three straight days of having 'That's Amore/Mobat' bouncing around in my head, I guess I may yet forgive you – mostly because it has been driven out by marching ants. Beware the dangers of siblings with baby brain. Beware!_

* * *

><p><strong>...<br>**

* * *

><p><strong>Papay Go Hunting<strong>

Papay go hunting one by one, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting one by one, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting one by one,

The little one stops to eat his chum,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting two by two, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting two by two, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting two by two,

The little one takes a bite of you,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting three by three, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting three by three, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting three by three,

They shouldn't've set the Viewer free,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting four by four, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting four by four, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting four by four,

The little one was left wanting more,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting five by five, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting five by five, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting five by five,

They're in a race to stay alive,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting six by six, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting six by six, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting six by six,

The Tin Man knows they're in a fix,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting seven by seven, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting seven by seven, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting seven by seven,

The princess leaps and prays to heaven,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting eight by eight, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting eight by eight, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting eight by eight,

The little one hoped to gain some weight,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting nine by nine, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting nine by nine, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting nine by nine,

But they don't get to dine this time,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!

...

Papay go hunting ten by ten, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting ten by ten, hurry, hurry,

Papay go hunting ten by ten,

They'll be there when you try again,

And they all go hunting on through the fields

'til the trees grow again NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM! NOM!


End file.
